Wants And Needs
by NewlyArisen
Summary: They can be the same thing


I felt the sun hit my eyes as the shade of the tree, I was comfortably napping under began to fade. I took a quick glance around me it was quiet a thing I was so used to now, the feeling of being alone. As my memories began to flood in like a tidal wave I felt my body numb, it all started four years ago when I met her...

"Hey Whats Wrong?"

I jolted back into reality a place I wasn't fond of as the voice next to me repeated her question

"Hey are you ok?"

I turned and look at my curious neighbor and I hesitated her pure brown eyes staring at me she looked so... genuine something that was unfamiliar to me at the time. It was almost like she really cared so I replied

"No not really"

"So What is Wrong?"

So I told her everything my recent family troubles, my lack of people skills, and the sadness that had come over me in recent days and to my surprise she actually listen her eyes never wander she offered solutions and advice she cared and I didn't understand why but I will say it was a nice change. As I finished my rant class came to its end and we left each other with our names.

"We can talk more tomorrow ok.. umm you never told me you name"

"I'm Shikamaru Nara and you?"

"I'm Tenten..so I will see you tomorrow Shikamaru"

"Yea for sure"

That was how I met the girl that would become my best friend, It wasn't long before we started to talk more about our actual interest instead of me just ranting. We soon can to the conclusion that we both had very smart taste.

"It just seems like a story should have a some form of development"

"I know Shika its so dumb to only develop the main character and nothing else"

"Every character needs some love"

"I swear we are the only ones who see how dumb that new book series is"

"Its ok we can just let the stupid people fan girl"

We laugh at the thought of it, it was during one of these times that I saw what you, what she meant to me. It was this miscalculation that caught me off guard for I had fallen for my best friend. But I soon found out that simply telling her wouldn't be and option. At the end of our school days we were placed on different teams and she soon fell for another Neji Neji Hyuuga . A boy I would come to know more than I wanted to. Being her best friend she came to me with all her Neji Problems.

" I mean lately he had been so distance from me I mean its not he talks much anyway, hey Shika are you listening to me"

"So you really want my opinion"

"Yes why else would I be asking"

"I don't think you should force a relationship with someone who doesn't really want it"

After I said it I knew what I was doing being selfish, instead of being a supportive best friend I was being a selfish lover. I wanted her to end it with him then I would have a chance. I felt I was right for her in every way maybe that is still true but it didn't matter at the time.

"What are you talking about"

"I'm just saying from what you have told me it doesn't seem like he cares enough about you thats all"

"Oh and how would you know"

"Cause I deeply care about you"

The shock on her face made me see that I didn't whisper like I wanted to, we stared at one another not saying a word so I decided to explain myself or hide my true feelings.

"I'm your friend Tenten and I simply understand better than a lot of people so I can tell if someone is not treating you right"

"Is that really all Shika?"

I looked at her and lied

"Yes that's really all"

After my slip up I decided to keep my distance from Tenten its seemed like the best opinion, she would hopfully forget my remark and everything would go back to normal but that was just _not my kind of luck_. It started as a normal day I played shogi with Asuma sensai and went to one of my sleeping spot to get some shut eye, when I arrived there you were there just sitting waiting I assumed. I sat down next to her waiting for one of us to break the uneasy silence.

"Ask me out"

"What?"

"Shika I want you to ask me out"

I stayed silence o felt my body begin to panic this was all a new experience for me so many questions I wanted to ask but I felt I didn't have enough time to think so I mange to say.

"Will you go out with me"

A phrase I only said once that impacts me to this very day I got what I wanted that should have been enough a girl who understood me to the letter a girl who made me feel wanted cared for loved even. It was only a matter of time however before our goals began to clash.

Me and her were like night and day so different yet so similar and in the end we couldn't go on without the other. I however only made things worst I didn't trust Neji. His influence over her sometimes came into my mind I accused her constantly never letting her live it down I was horrible. They say you can never keep something you stole everything comes back to you eventually and I guess this was no different. Even though I had her I couldn't keep her no matter how many times I calculated the outcome I could never get an answer I wanted the tension only increased as she became a well know ninja tool shop owner and our time together seemed to dwindle. We barley talked and when we did we argued

_I guess it was only a matter of time_

I thought things we find I guess thats how these things start, when she came to me and told me how she felt.

"I think we should break up"

My heart dropped

"Why"

"Why not we argue constantly, you hold Neji over my head all the time and I don't feel I have enough time to give into us"

I felt my body heat up I was angry

"We have different views of course we are going to agure"

"yea but its all the time now"

"I don't care about Neji"

"you bring him up all the time"

I began to pled with my mind what could I say what could I do I began to panic

"I need you"

"No you want to need me but this just is not working"

"How can you tell me what I need and want you have no idea how this feels I can see it in your face"

"Shika"

"Broken I know i'm broken scarred by the world and people that live in it but none of it matter without you you keep me sane you make me smile you make me feel at home"

"Shikamaru its not just you I haven't been doing my share either"

"Than we work on it you just dont give up not after all this not after everything"

"I'll still be here"

"i don't want you here I...i hate you"

she stared at me and began to walk away

"Goodbye Shikamaru"

"For good" I whispered

It was here I saw my true flaw I knew what I was doing and still let it happen I lost it all because I was unable to really change unable to fight wanting something and needing it are to different things that what we are told. But I see you, her in a different light I need her, you understand me in a way I'll never find again, you kept me breathing and now im just cold and empty just like the rest of my life. I sat down under the shade of a tree and began to drift away for the horror that was reality.


End file.
